The Wheel and Axle


by on Oct.13, 2018, under My Life, Queer

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All of us want things.

Sometimes, we don’t need things.

But all of us want things.

I remember a time of utter selfishness, when I felt the pain of not getting the wants, of ignoring the needs for the wants, of reaching for nothing else but the wants.

It felt like a void.

A void where the wants multiply endlessly.

The void, I remember.

A thousand needles made their way into my psyche, like a heart that beat faster than the fluttering of a hummingbird. There was hurt, yes, but then surprisingly there was also numbness – one that came from realizing just how insignificant one truly was after it kept on hitting your head with a hammer.

Is this what it’s like? To be made a mere speck of dust that rides the cosmos, aimlessly wandering into an abyss? To be shown the unimportance of your being, despite the power of your wants? That it’s all meaningless because you are, after all, meaningless?

That you have no value.

This is the burden, then.

It is the death of your dream, the destruction of your destiny, when you are finally swallowed by despair into a spiralling delirium as you cower in the corner of your unimportant existence.

But still you’re too caught up in your wants.

You refuse to yield to your defeat because you wallow in the consequences of your Desire.

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