The Wheel and Axle

Into The Ring For A Grudge Match

by on Aug.01, 2016, under Film & TV

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Does the middle part say Batman V Superman?

Key take-aways from Sadako Vs. Kayako.

  1. Even a busy vengeful spirit needs to, pardon the pun, let her hair down once in a while by getting her luscious locks rebonded. Two decades of meting out video curses is a long time.
  2. If you are obsessed with urban legends, meeting a demonic entity is far more important than preserving your life. Carpe diem!
  3. Efficiency gains are as important in the supernatural world as it is in the business world. Where once you needed seven days to fulfill a curse, now you should be able to do it in two days. Think of the FTE savings.
  4. Set your cursed video in a different place every few years to keep your intended prey engaged. Old wells are so 90s.
  5. Keep up with the times. Enough with the VHS tapes; your target audience is limited, if at all. DVDs, Blu-Ray, and mp4 files are now in vogue. Don’t be Nokia; be Apple.
  6. Amateur tarot readers who proclaim that the cards she just dealt you are the worst combination ever should be slapped in the face and then enrolled in a How to Motivate People course.
  7. It is never a good idea to upload a cursed video onto YouTube or any form of social media. Unless you are a vengeful spirit, in which case, make sure you priortize once you hit 1,000 likes and shares. That’s a lot of curses to follow through on.
  8. You can be assured that a deserted house that no one has lived in for years will have electricity that can power your television and VHS player. Lugging a TV around is also apparently preferable to playing a video on your tablet, or are you concerned that the onryō might have a hard time crawling out of your iPad?
  9. Keep your child away from the television. Even if he is a vile, nasty, and treacherous little spirit that is in dire need of a bath. Ooops. In poor taste.
  10. Sometimes, stupid plans succeed. More often than not, however, they’re just stupid, and you get viciously cut in half by malevolent ghosts. Or you become one yourself.

Don't touch my stuff!

Don’t touch my stuff!

I think this film would be 4 or 5 stars. It’s not a disaster, but it’s just so… banal.

However, since I enjoyed the campiness of it all anyway, and in honor of my love for both franchises (but more so for Ju-On… #teamkayako all the way!), I’ll bump it up to 7 out of 10 stars.

And for those who prefer it less creepy through an English dub:

Place your bets!

Place your bets!

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