The Wheel and Axle

Ten Things I Hate About The Online You

by on Nov.27, 2011, under Snark, Society

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Social networking is fun. Heck, back before Facebook was alive, I was a Friendster addict. And who remembers mIRC, which is technically not a social network, but a chat place? Of course, Friendster is practically dead, mIRC is as obscure as EDSAmail, and now Facebook has swallowed the world. As long as one knows how to socially-network responsibly and smartly, it can be a pretty powerful tool in the world of today.

This doesn’t preclude the fact that there are thousands of idiots out there who have no idea what responsible and/or smart online presence is. Particularly in the world of Facebook, where the concept of privacy is talked about but frequently not practiced, there are folks who seem to forget that what they post or do can potentially reach thousands of other people, whether they are in their network or not.

Here are my personal pet peeves on Facebook and other social media.

  1. Ang Nobela. If you feel the need to write out such long status updates that flood my newsfeed with dozens of successive posts that are continuations of the same statement/topic/incident, just freakin’ create a blog. It’s a status update, not the Palancas. Then there are those who use permutations of the same statement. Honey, you’ve said that in your last status update. Oo na, pinatamaan mo na sya; changing the words with synonyms or modifying the turns of the phrase in succeeding status updates will not change na pinatamaan mo na sya. What, people don’t get it? Or maybe you’re trying to convince yourself? Ano ‘to, diary sa Mara Clara?
  2. Soap Opera Angst. We don’t need to know the sordid details of how your lover left you for some Lovecraftian bitch or how your parents threw you out because you’re a no-good louse who hasn’t taken a bath for a week. This is the equivalent of airing your dirty laundry in public for all to see, and there is such a thing as “over-share.” True, it is occasionally entertaining, but I do so get embarrassed for you. Spank your inner moppet, then get a life. Cheesy and cute updates, I can handle; melodrama online, I start shooting people.
  3. The Soap Opera Novel. Corollary to #1 and #2 is the extra-annoying combination of both. Nothing makes me want to throw big, heavy appliances around the house more than reading a short novel infesting my feed about unrequited love or family feuds… in episodes. Napaka-Abangan ang Susunod na Kabanata naman ang dating! Worse is when you go around publicly sparring with someone right there on everyone’s newsfeeds. Wala tayong urbanidad, ‘teh?
  4. Tactless Commenting. Hindi ka naman siguro si Kris Aquino na yayaman sa pagiging taklesa. I’ve seen people commenting shamelessly about others on updates or photos, not thinking that said others are privy to their chatter. Once I saw a group of girls commenting on another girl’s pic posted on a wall, discussing that they heard said girl was rumored to be pregnant and forgetting said girl could see their comments. Whether this was deliberate or an idiotic miss does not matter. Ang tawag dyan ay maledukada. Hindi ba kayo pumasa sa GMRC?

    courtesy of

  5. The Thoughtless Employee. I feel for you and your dire employment situation – like how your boss hates you or how your career has become a meaningless wasteland because you have to do 3,000 hours of overtime this weekend. However, there is such a thing as Human Resources… or resignation. And if you are in a leadership position doing this, the offense doubles because expectations are higher. Complaining about your job on a public forum, even if you argue that it is a personal channel and not work, is career suicide, especially if your bosses are in your freakin’ network. It’s also whining, and who really likes whiners? Take note, public whiners rarely get promoted unless maybe you work for the government.
  6. Malgrammar and Other Such Nonsense. No one’s perfect. I don’t expect everyone to have impeccable spelling and grammar all the time. There are such things as typos, and to be perfectly grammatical in every situation may be too much to ask. I can live with that. I do expect people to have a basic grasp of communication skills. Also, all-caps is the online equivalent of shouting, so make sure to use appropriately. Hopefully, if you can read and write enough to be on the internet, then I hope you are literate enough to recall subject-verb agreement, proper tenses, capitalization, and spelling most of the time. This leads me to…
  7. !$ tHiS N0T @NNoYing? “Textspeak” has little, if any, place on the ‘net. I understand the need for textspeak on SMS due to its limitations (though I myself practice proper spelling and grammar when texting). However, on the ‘net, you have full use of a functioning keyboard and more working space to utilize. The bigger offense is when you use textspeak that is actually longer than the original word or phrase, negating the purpose of textspeak in the first place; why bother misspelling then? This is what leads to jejemon, which will usher in the apocalypse. I do believe this is one of the reasons why the current generation of young people have atrocious grammar. While we’re at it, excessive use of periods, question marks, and/or exclamation points is headache-inducing; punctuation marks are meant to punctuate, not decorate.
  8. Spam and Lack of Fact-Checking.Please do not share with the world the latest heart-wrenching announcement that Facebook will close down or how evil Mother Teresa really was because she ate babies for breakfast or how you will die a horrible death unless you guilt-trip others into reposting the picture of a child afflicted with cancer… not unless you’ve actually checked facts and verified that what you are posting is true. Otherwise, you are just a rumormonger, a douche, or simply a moron who falls for these things. This is very closely related to…

    This, too, has passed. And really, there’s probably a better chance of the moon becoming actual cheese before this ever happens.

  9. Clicking on Suspicious Links. Did you just get onto the ‘net yesterday? If yes, I can forgive you for this. If not, and you’ve been online for years, then I do not understand why you would click on that link about Miley Cyrus banging a horse, unless you’re a pervert, in which I case I now understand but will have to start reconsidering my friendship with you. We all know those suspicious links are the gateway to viruses and/or scams, and if after all these years you still fall for those, I will question your right to be online and perhaps will express doubts about your mental faculties as well.
  10. Tagging Me on Products and Ads. I personally don’t mind if someone tags me on a funny picture or quote, heck I love those, but start tagging me on products you are selling or seminars you are inviting me to attend, and I will call down a rain of locusts on your household. This is especially true if you are tagging me to attend seminars about how to get rich quickly – no matter how many seminars you ask me to attend, I do not see you getting any richer, just more desperate, so why should I believe you?

    Tag me on things like these, and I will throttle you.

Mind you, I’d be a hypocrite to say I’ve never fallen into any of these at one time or another, but I’ve made conscious efforts to avoid these behaviors. So have my good friends.

Meanwhile, there are still dozens who lack the self-awareness to do so. In this new world order of social networking, developing better online social skills and etiquette is a must.

Otherwise, you’ve just exposed your utter lack of cool to practically the entire world.

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